I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
