I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
