do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
