Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize