Betty ford says i'm here all night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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