I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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