Heybabeimwearingurpanties
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
he just fucked me for my cheese..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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