I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
