i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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