I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
