Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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