We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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