just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
