her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
