My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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