all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
