my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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