Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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