we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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