I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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