Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
