i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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