Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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