i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
