party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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