Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
What a dumb baby whore.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
