Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
