had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
