Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
