from now on my penis is your penis
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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