Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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