You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
