I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
