I hate all girls vehemently.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize