What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
