no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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