She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
