i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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