Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
