I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
