The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
