Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
