do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
