I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
