I just found a bag of teeth...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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