My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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