yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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