im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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