They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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