She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
