the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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