I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
