I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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