I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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