With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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