I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
