When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
