My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
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So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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