just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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