I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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