VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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