turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
