i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
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You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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