dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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