I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
