Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
