she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
