she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
