when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
