every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Send help, water and tortillas.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
