I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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