Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Pooping to opera.
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