So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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