He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
