hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
