His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
