bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So many bounce houses so little time
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
