I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
