I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
