I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm jealous of your bromance
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
